It took me a really effing long time to figure out who I am and who I want to be. I’m 28 - with hopes and dreams and doubts and fears. I’ve spent long hours, shitty days, whirlwind months and somehow years sorting through the layers of myself that have built up. Uncovering and recovering every inch that I can find.
Living in new york city doesn’t help either sometimes. It’s so hard to describe to those who aren’t in it. Complaining sounds crazy when you say it out loud - about the fact that our refrigerators sometimes live in our closets, and that walking anywhere in the snow is not nearly as fun as instagram makes it look. I know places all over the world have their downsides, but its hard to remember new york’s upside when you stepped on a what you thought was just the street but turned out to be a two foot deep puddle of sludge.
Everyday feels like some sort of a test. The subway skipped your stop, you left your sweater at home in the dead of summer but your office is a cool 63 degrees, Seamless took too damn long. I know I sound like a 90’s Alanis Morissette song but don’t you really can’t talk unless you’ve lived it.
I came here to be honest. I think honesty is the one quality we forget about when we embark on this journey to find ourselves, to become our truth and the person we know ourselves to be. Honesty is the first look in the mirror that I have to face. Hiding and over thinking, worry and fear will keep you right where you never left: your comfort zone.
It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and it’s taking me an even longer time to make it happen for myself. When I finally took a moment to understand and accept where I was in my life, I was able to be honest about it. I am now able to write about it as I allow the feeling to pass through freely.
I’m honoring my honesty and breathing in gratitude for just one more way that the Universe is proving to have my back.
Thank you for you & for being here.