What Happens When You Stop Counting

Remember that letting go of who you were is better than comparing yourself to who you are not anymore.

Numbers are black and white. They assign value, they tell us how much or how little something is worth, they are cut and dry. Objective. From the time we were young we’ve been using numbers to make our way through life. When asked how old we were, we would hold up the number of fingers. Counting is one of the first things we learn in school. And with each passing year the role numbers play in our lives only seems to grow. 

What day of the month is it? What time are we leaving? How long has he been gone? How many Oreos have I eaten? Numbers rule our lives in so many ways and while they can add structure to our day numbers aren’t always the most positive reinforcement to live by. And while they assign value, they don’t always account for the feeling and emotion that comes along with each of these numbers.

When we say that over four hundred thousand people have died from COVID-19, do we actually understand the magnitude behind that number? Do we understand how many families have had to deal with the pain and loss of just one loved one, now multiply that by found hundred thousand. It feels astronomical, because it is. When we say that a loved one passed away ten years ago, do we understand the love and heartbreak and grief that has been felt every single day for those past ten years? When we swipe our credit card for a three hundred dollar dinner bill, do we understand how much we are actually paying for our meal? Or are we just not affected by it because it’s not physically being taken from us. 

We recite stats and percentages and talk about increases and points, but it doesn’t mean anything unless you understand that there is so much more to these numbers and figures that we throw around that we may never fully comprehend. As we get older we start to assign numbers to unrealistic expectations. We start to believe that numbers and time hold a greater weight than feelings and emotions. We tell ourselves we must get married by the time we are 26, we must weigh no more than 130 pounds, our salary must be at least $200k, and the number 2020 will forever be painted as the worst year ever. We allow ourselves to believe that we must measure up to these made up figures. When in reality they are just...numbers. 

We get so caught up, believing that these numbers define us. That they make us more than or less than. We forget that our self worth is not defined in pounds on a scale or in dollars in our bank account. Who we are is who we decide to show up as every single day. We are so much more than these single digits that we allow to rule our lives. When you take the numbers away you are still you. Not anything more, not anything less.